To: All Staff, From: S. Wiles

To: All Staff
From: S. Wiles
RE: Brainstorm next steps

To All:

As you know, we are looking for some splashy and newsworthy initiatives to change the subject and take us through the next few months and into the autumn. Ideally, they’re the kind of thing that might take everyone’s minds off trivial stuff. I think you all know what I mean. We’re looking for new, bold, even radical moves that will cause everyone -- in the media and elsewhere -- to talk about anything but the issue that goes unnamed.

So I’m asking you all to take a few moments in teams or alone and brainstorm some really fun suggestions, with the caveat that there are no bad ideas here! Feel free to push it, and trust that we’ll pull it back if necessary. Remember the old improv comedy rule: we don’t dismiss ideas out of hand! We say, Yes and . . .

To kick it off, we heard from VP Vance that it might be interesting to annex Baja California. This is exactly the kind of thing we mean when we say “Let’s change the subject.” His team also suggested delivering equal numbers of F-22 Raptor fighter jets to Ukraine and Russia, and while this may seem unfeasible, it’s exactly the kind of outside-the-box thinking we’re looking for. It’s noisy, it’s bold, and it says, Hey! Let’s talk about this new wild initiative!

Stephen Miller and his team have already suggested microchip implants for all foreign students, so please try to avoid this area. We’re already exploring. Will probably unroll this if/when the lady in prison talks to Congress. Stay tuned.

Some other ideas to inspire your thinking:

A “friendship exchange” with the government of Iran. The son of the supreme leader of the Islamic Republic, Mojtaba Hosseini Khamenei, comes to live in Washington, D.C., and in exchange Eric Trump goes to live in Tehran. Should be newsworthy! Also: need ideas for Ivanka.

The arrest and imprisonment of the cast of The View. This may end up being unconstitutional, but will be a very controversial move in the meantime. Even if they’re ultimately released, could be tried “in absentia” on television. Opportunity for Rudy?

An arranged marriage between Barron Trump and Victoria de Marichalar y Borbón of Spain, who is slightly older (she’s 23) but fifth in line to the Spanish throne. This would be an ideal match, though we can also send out feelers to representatives of Princess Ingrid Alexandra of Norway. Lots of royal wedding media, lots of paparazzi-style coverage, could easily knock everything off the front page.

The release of grainy, hard-to-decipher images from the long-standing UFO/ET research done by Air Force intelligence. Note to media and messaging personnel: is there such footage? Please investigate and report up the chain. Also, may be possible to have an “unidentified flying object” land on the White House lawn? Stay there for six hours and then mysteriously fly away? The idea here would be to position POTUS as an “interplanetary leader” who is simply above talking about trivial sex crimes.

Announce an immediate ban of oat milk, poké bowls, and boba-style drinks due to their “feminizing influence” on American males.

Reclassify Pluto as a planet, and rename it “Melania” in honor of our great First Lady. May also dovetail with current plans to reinterpret some constellations in more contemporary ways, such as Ursa Major as “The Donald” and the Belt of Orion as “MAGA Hat.” Note: this may be hard to do but will get a lot of attention. Also: POTUS came up with this idea.

Release photographs of Elon Musk and POTUS walking together on the beach. This is a great idea from Secretary of State Marco Rubio, but hard to engineer and nearly impossible to manufacture without being immediately discredited. Maybe backchannel to EM to see if he’s up for it? Have interns make a list of enticements.

Stage a major “Q Reveal” for Labor Day weekend -- drumroll it throughout August and let press etc. and former MAGA enthusiasts speculate about who Q actually is. Will need a Q in this scenario and possible way to get Bongino back on the team if we imply it’s him?

Activate all sleeper cells embedded within Fox News. Note: this really would be a last-resort-type solution. Impossible to put that genie back in the bottle once released.

Again: this is just to get the juices flowing. Meeting for team leaders on Monday.