Three’s Company: President Newsom, VP AOC, and First Lady Newsom Tell All

From the New York Times Sunday Styles, March 18, 2029

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. . . and the whole idea came to us on the campaign trail,” the vice president said with a laugh. “It started as kind of a joke with the press corps, they called our campaign plane the ‘polycule,’ like we were all in some kind of polygamous relationship!”

The vice president, who is still called “AOC” by close friends and staff, took a quick drag on her vape and shrugged. “And that’s when Gavin said, ‘Well, I mean, maybe that’s something we could consider? I mean, would it be so terrible?’”

The president, who had been in and out of the room during this conversation -- “I just did a call with Viktor Orbán who says hi, by the way” -- sat down to clarify.

“She’s telling it like it was just some off-the-cuff thing! I was terrified! I mean, yes, obviously, of course when we were doing the vetting for a running mate I was like, damn, let’s get her in here, but you know, there’s a lot of policy reasons for that, so I was sort of in this weird place of liking her and liking her, if you know what I mean.”

“The TL;DR here,” the vice president chimes in with a laugh, “is that POTUS has no game!”

“Hey! Watch it!” The president says playfully. “I managed to bag Kimberly Guilfoyle!”

“And then you guys broke up!”

“Just shows you that I have the judgment and wisdom to be in the Oval Office!”

Both of them lean back and laugh, and the president touches the vice president lightly on the knee in a casual, very natural way. She leans back on the sofa against him and the two of them, for a moment, seem like just another good-looking celebrity couple with a pronounced age gap.

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PHOTOS, CLOCKWISE FROM LEFT:

The president and vice president in the White House yoga studio, formerly the Trump ballroom; the president flanked by his wife, Jennifer, and the vice president on the way to Marine One, with the vice president’s spouse, Riley, carrying the bags; President Newsom and Vice President Ocasio-Cortez in matching spa robes; then–Democratic nominees Newsom and Ocasio-Cortez waving to the crowd at the convention (“This was when I first felt the tingle,” says the vice president); the president and vice president waking up in the White House, also present: First Lady Jennifer Newsom; Second Gentleman Riley Roberts, in protective gear, heading to Syrian chemical weapons facility. “I’m really proud that both my wife and the president are experiencing a fulfilling relationship, and I’m honored to be named the Special Assistant to the President and Vice President for Dangerous and Potentially Fatal Global Visits.”

* * *

“To be totally honest, I was not a big fan of the idea at first,” says the first lady, who joined us later in the Nesting Bedroom in the private residence. “It’s not that I was possessive or anything -- look, Gavin and I are from the Bay Area, this kind of polyamory is normal! I just didn’t want to set any expectations with Riley. He’s just not my thing, you know?”

“It’s all about communication,” added the president.

“Communication is key,” agreed the vice president.

“Cannot stress that enough. Also, look, Gavin is insatiable. Am I right?”

The three of them laugh like old friends, showing the charisma and charm that led them to victory in November. And how do they respond to Republican-led attacks on their living and loving arrangements?

“They call us degenerate,” said the vice president with her trademark sarcasm. “Well, if it’s degenerate for us to reinstate auto emission standards, then, okay, fine, we are degenerate!”

“Look,” said the president, looking unruffled in his Kiton cashmere blazer, “everybody’s got some weird thing going on, bedroom-wise, you know? You know what we found when we moved in here a month ago? Cheeto dust.”

“It was everywhere,” added the vice president. “I mean, in places where you’re like, was someone eating Cheetos, like, on the toilet?”

“I think we know the answer to that,” said the president, and the three of them erupted again into laughter.

When we caught up with the second gentleman, investigating a ruined nuclear-reactor site in Ukraine, he sounded upbeat. “We’re all on our own journeys,” he said. “And sometimes the romantic and political threads of our lives intertwine, and I hope when I’m back home I can take part in this new kind of relationship.”

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